M.

miroseai a lapte si pamant, si tin minte ca nu-mi placea fredonatul tiuitului din urechi, nici cele trei licariri din ochii tai... si am mai zabovit atunci trei minute pe cele trei minute pe care zabovit... si cum si cat?... unele senzatii nu sunt cuantificabile, am zis... and i never believed the poles were shifting... M.

the existence of "something that it is like" to be something

craving for longing, a guy who never admits he's lost other people's reality when they trusted him more... he was out of a multitude of systems long before he had any idea how to build his own... he took hammers and put them to work... and they crumbled longing and spread the sound of dissoluteness in his creepin' motivation... i lost you there... you said happiness in slavery... i said not even as much as bread and butter... it's just an indefinite romance with a whirlwind of crime, of bleeding craving... i said longing before... you said i couldn’t hate you...

i'd break myself off... i put passion in the expelling of my air... i put passion into a squirming desire to have you like you did... or everybody else... they can't see what i want… i don't break my desires by fulfilness... disappointment can't last long but it can become...

i lost you back... the image called to the belonger... come down through...

there's always someone i find myself in... it's always me you said… too much already... new york on the leaving hour... it gets cheesy but i still wouldn't trade... my imagination falls on those hammers, it builds them up... it's like smashing pumpkins on a six transistor... it's like i'm in you both and you have me missing out on you... i called you off since i took oana and my nonchalance away... got them rolling down those stairs and you felt hope and i missed you... i missed you so much... i never gave up...

mercury... that's what your voice rang like... then this fat lady with my blinding blue strap-ons covered you in her delight... enthralling... my head went left and right and up and down... there was this white shirt on you covered in a pink top and wrapped in a ckeckered beige irish stone wall... my hammers i called upon, but there was no piano to touch, no high tide to billow and i went into convulsions...

there's this galaxy in my ear right now... woosh-weesh whirling side-effect... strange cuz i'm diggin' this beat... it has your fate in it... it's got your face in it... i see your palm... and look you said... then i taught my hand to touch it...

and it's 2.09, luke... naturaletea ta ma face sa cred ca nu esti doar intr-un rol cu mine...

essentially, what is wrong with these beats... i never expect storylines or mozart to flout so devastatingly... make me say i'll never be, but could be different... i couldn't be so much... and strange seems to be recurring like drab these instants... it doesn't have to be like that, you said... different systems want more of you... opposites don't occur much these days... i guess this highway to bethlehem doesn't take sky-scrapers along...

i still feared new york was all about leaving...
someday easy... sunday? busy, you said...

Sofran

it has something to do with couple addictiveness you said… I felt safe si mi-am amintit atunci cand buzele crapate isi reveneau dupa cana ta de apa, in spatele tigarii si dincolo de standardele unor orizonturi largite cu pipeta… I saw mary’s writing in front of that page, I said… it’s something to do with weird people… it’s something to do with the Ghost… I raised a glass, made no toast…

si am crezut atunci ca Fecioara Maria poate fi iubita si de la un metru doi distanta… un clasic in viata... to me you would always seem nice, from afar… I heard the water pour down that drowning pipe and sobbing drained in a world of similar lineage… whatever it takes to make you feel, I said… however you may feel like… atata validare nu se acroda decat unui ceai de menta neindulcit… it would be a shame to spoil your newly found esteem for me, you said… „snobismul asta te omoara”…
I always thought an SUV would be a more possible time bomb… ce legatura au bordurile cu sentimentul tau de nerusinare? sunt un mod extrem de penibil de a-ti pronunta numele... a penis is not a share toy ai zis si nu te mai ranji...

0. and the drums they came, then the beat again...
...
1.
i thought you were cute but had some minor flaws which i was afraid to surmount for fear of not loving to have sex with you... i thought i was stuck and bored and i was tired... i couldn't identify my smartness or the cheap way you dressed... but who cared... i knew i wasn't good for you and disconsidered your excitement... i didn't feel like seeing you anymore...
3.
am renuntat la faptul ca imi place la fel de mult ca atunci pentru niste tineri adorabili... jumatatile de masura la un pahar plin cu aerul expirat de mine in vinul meu, al lui stefan si al ionelei... stiu ca oamenii oanei sunt cei mai faini... m-ai imbratisat... dar nu ar putea exista doua eternitati... urasc cand dintr-o data se indragostesc... nu ma prea descurc cu tine, am zis...
... 2.
claudiu si oana... oana il cunostea pe claudiu si mi-a zis de el si ne-am cunoscut... oana ma stie de cand ne-am cunoscut... e mai greu dar lucreaza in acelasi domeniu... sau nu... nu mai vrei...
4. ideea oanei de urcari si coborari pe note ti-a placut si tie... rapsodism... si nu ma sunai fiindca mi-ai promis ca ai probleme cu vocea... ti-am zis ca as iubi orice pentru ca am nevoie de un fetis... suna dragut ai zis... am o majoritate de sunete aparte...

prezbiacuzie noua...

we were riding the bus when his mom told me they were 4 and only three seats for them... so i sent her away to stand up since i wouldn't give up the free seat next to mine... n-am inteles deloc combinatia de scaun si persoane si motivul pentru care nu se putea sta pe banchete separate de fiul ei...

a zis ca sunt bolnav si i-am zis rastit din voce ca sunt aici for the routine.. for the annual check-up or something... nothing else... so you can kindly wait in line for your turn... she told me about her son and i asked over my shoulder if he was there for the routine, for his, and i felt mine in deeper feeling... he said as well...
then i saw the nurse pulling out the needle from that vein and he twiched his arm up so that it wouldn't rain... on the floor or his jeans i saw... they were pre-washed blue, the top coat was black and unbottoned... am simtit ca pot interactiona prin asemanarile noastre, am simtit nevoia sa ma intorc peste umarul drept, sa extind ca prin conventie mana si sa-i spun ca sunt bine...

zambea cand am extins-o si i-am spus hi... parea sa fi uitat de necoagularea sangelui, de rana proaspat sapata pentru arhive secrete, confirmarea comenzii sau affectionate miracles... a intins pana sa cuprinda extinderea alei mele... he said hi... i feared it would bleed but there was no way i could control his reach or my fear it would bleed and he said hi... then it bled... two long drops din rutina consolarii si a nevoii... pe degetul drept... a color stain away... he bled... si in nevoia lui de armonizare cu refacerea rutinei se temea sa se simta jenat... greutatea de a o face cand esti tu... a intors capul la 30 de grade spre rascruce, si-a privit bona in partea stanga a fetei si s-a intors in stanga mea... eram intr-un hol de spital ca in autobuz... si din mana mea ramasa intinsa a ramas doar un cadru inghetat in instantul conventiilor si al delimitarii de sentimtentele lumii si mi-am luat-o si ii zambeam... am sters-o uimit... ce fac a zis... i-am zis ca in buzunar nu o sa se vada...

he stood a chance... to me, he did...

mi-a zis ca daca nu e nimic de partea cealalta... daca nu e nimic... in stanga mea nu era nimic and i had his height impressed on me... i-am zis ca lucrurile nu se termina aici... he cried his fear out on my left shoulder... he was held tight, was closer and warm... said you don't believe such things exist... nici eu i-am zis... and i felt like crying... and i wished i had told him that later seemed fitter and that i stood a chance...

si imi amintesc lungimea acelui parapet si podul de autostrada pe care urcam, eu in spatele lui cu inconsecventa trairilor dintotdeauna, cu atentia miscata de sunetul traficului si cu privirea incetosata pe silueta lui... la exterior era lunga... sub degete singura din fata mea... la mijloc pe noi ne unea balustrada...

i saw the final stairs thrown back in aceeasi tenta de lungime intr-un fundal de coridor... eram pe scari si s-a intors spre mine... i could kiss him... he felt my needy fear and took my need away... the fear of ever needing someone... he was blonde and had no way of ever getting that arm-stretch back... i wouldn't want to...

his back to the wall... my face to his face away from the wall... my face to him... the T-shirt and his bright-blue jeans... people had come down the nearing stairs... i thought we were in the way... i-am zis asta rastit din voce... a ramas sa coboram din lumina de pe ultima treapta...

a rocking boat of good mornings and a collapsing heartbeat away form the clock dial... did u lose them there? maybe it's too hard to paint the sky blue but how's explaining colours to a blind man? is it any easier? no, it's a little further down the road, and maybe a bit later, you said... there, the ripening cherries blossom...